Student Bloggers
What Nobody Tells You About Study Abroad Depression
Date
February 3, 2016
EDITOR'S NOTE: IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY, PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP. IN THE U.S., CALL 1-800-273-8255 FOR THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE. IF YOU ARE ON AN ARCADIA PROGRAM ABROAD, CONTACT AN ARCADIA STAFF MEMBER TO BE CONNECTED WITH PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT, AVAILABLE AT ALL OF ARCADIA SITES ABROAD
For the past few weeks, I've lived in one of the world's most beautiful countries. Every day has the possibility of adventure; after class I could hop on the bus and go to Stirling Castle, take a train into Glasgow for world-class shopping, or go on an especially scenic walk through Edinburgh.
I haven't done any of that. For the most part, I have stayed in my room, only venturing outside for classes, meals, and the occasional walk around campus.
This once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is being tinged by sadness, or more accurately, depression. I've had depression for many years, but I never expected it to come with me across the Atlantic. The reason is an enigma to me (Culture shock? Homesickness? School system changes?). All I know is that my depression is here and it's settled in for a while.
When you read about other students having the time of their lives abroad, people like me don't pop up. After all, it's not very exciting to write a blog post detailing my adventures in my dorm room. All of the big plans I made for my study abroad experience when I was in the United States have imploded, leaving me with a hollowness I didn't realize was possible while traveling.
It's weird having depression while studying abroad. I feel like I have to keep quiet about my condition, like if I talk about it I will disappoint everyone who's supported me so I could get to this point. So I've wasted away, disguising my sadness through cheerful social media statuses and reassuring messages to loved ones.
I know of places where I can turn to for help, but I'm embarrassed to. I can't imagine going to counseling services and saying I spent a fair amount of time and money to be here, and I'm not enjoying myself.
Although my situation feels bleak right now, I refuse to give up on my study abroad experience. I know that I'm here for a reason, and that reason is to get out of my comfort zone. Throughout the semester I’ll post updates about my condition and share any solutions I find.