Student Bloggers

This post is going to be aimed toward me and my feelings of studying abroad as of late. And quite frankly, my ever growing fragility. Don’t get me wrong, studying abroad is an incredible experience and I am so grateful to be given the chance to do it. I’ve learned so much independence from it and it’s helped me to grow up a lot, but not too much. I may be twenty but I’m still very much a child and I’m not entirely ready to completely be an adult yet; but where I am, studying abroad has really helped me further develop my skills. However, being away from home and my family and friends has made me incredibly anxious at this time.

I’m sure you’ve heard of all the awful disasters and tragedies that have happened the past week with Paris, Japan, Lebanon, Mexico, Beirut, and I’m sure there are others that I have yet to learn of. Then there are other things like the Philadelphia school shooting threat, Mizzou, and really all of the other school crisis’. My heart goes out to all of those who were and still are getting affected by them. These things scare me and make me nervous as they do everyone. But for me, it is especially right now because to know that those awful things could happen to my home, at any time, petrifies me. Because I won’t be there to experience it, but all of my loved ones will be. God forbid any of them get hurt, or worse. It makes me want to go home because at least then, I can be with them if something does happen. And it goes the same way here. If some calamity were to happen here and I were to get hurt, or worse, I think a lot of my loved ones would blame themselves. And I would never want that.

I would say that it’s far fetched, but I can’t, because it isn’t. We live in a world where we have to think about what we would do if these catastrophes happened to us; because they happen all over the world, and they could happen at any time. It’s so scary because I’m so far away that I can’t just go back home in a few hours if something were to happen. It would take me at least a day, and so much can happen in that time. I don’t regret coming abroad. But if something were to happen, I just might. But I don’t know if anything will. I think that’s the most terrifying thing: the not knowing. Because now I’m living in this constant fear that something might happen, and that someone I care about might get hurt.

I realize that when I was getting ready to study abroad and I was picking where to go and for how long, I wasn’t thinking about things like this. And no one should. Things that may happen should never be a factor in your decision. And like I said, I don’t regret coming here and staying here for a year and I’m too grateful to regret an opportunity this amazing over might be’s and what if’s. But because of everything that has happened in such a short amount of time, and just the shock of how incredibly horrific the events over the past few days have been, I’m starting to unravel and becoming more brittle and delicate. And I’m over thinking. And I’m distracted. And I’m just so frantic.

I know it won’t last. That it’s just a state of mind I’m in from shock and nervousness. And I can’t imagine how those who are directly affected are feeling right now. We need to be strong so that they can be. But I wanted to express my fragility right now with all of you because I want you to know that if something like this were to happen while you were studying abroad, and you also felt these things, that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel this way, it shouldn’t keep you from experiencing your opportunity of studying abroad, it shouldn’t keep you in a state of fearfulness, and most importantly you should never regret going abroad. Be strong for yourself and those affected, but know that it’s okay to not always be strong; it’s okay to cry, and mourn, and to show sympathy and empathy by being sad just as much as it is by not. Remember that strong does not mean not affected.