Student Bloggers

Currently Studying at: Arcadia in Rome, Italy

Homeschool: Temple University

As the semester started to wind down, I realized that my roommates and I were relatively close. Enough to reveal aspects of myself that I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing within the first few weeks with them. As I got closer to them, I noticed that things started to get under my skin more. The dishes not being done, hair in the sink, or maybe using the last piece of toilet paper and not replacing it. I didn’t say anything to them because I thought, “Well we are all grown-ups, I shouldn’t ‘mom’ them, I don’t want to make it weird.” The days went on, and more and more dishes started to accumulate, the cleaning schedule we made was not being completed, and the divide in the house grew before we even realized it was.

Although one would say that I have a confrontational and unapologetic spirit, I didn’t know what the best way to go about this way since I was as close to the culprit of the mess as I was to my other two roommates. After one morning of rushing, I noticed, yet again, a clump of hair in the sink. She had left for the day, and I was leaving on a weekend trip. I texted her and asked if there was a way that she could pick up after herself more since it was originally her rule to wipe out the sink and shower after every use.

Let’s just say it didn’t go very well. A response including the words, “micro-aggressive” and “misunderstanding” lit up my screen. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. There was a problem, and I thought saying something would finally fix it. Once I came back from my weekend trip, we discussed how the entire situation went down. I attempted to explain that my attention wasn’t to spark confusion or misunderstanding. She explained that she was rushing in order for me to be able to get ready for my trip.
I had to then understood that we wanted the same things. To improve a chaotic situation, one half needing to run out the door to catch a train, the other to improve sanitary conditions. My mother used to always tell me, “It isn’t what you say, but how you say it.” When living with three other girls, I had to realize that we are, not only, going to agree on everything, but also, when we do not agree, we express it differently and might be perceived in a negative way; although that was never the intention.

You, just like I am still doing, have to practice and attempt to speak in your roommate’s friendship language in order for a compromise to happen. These languages can include texting very matter-of-factly, texting with emojis, leaving a hand-written note on their bed, or even a mass text in your group-chat (I suggest you have one, makes doing your laundry a whole lot easier). Some languages are not understood unless it is a verbal and private conversation. The only way to get over these speed humps, because there will be speed humps, is by taking the time to listen to understand, not listen to respond. I wonder if I had done that initially instead of waiting until it boiled over, I would be as close to this roommate as I am my other two. It is all a waiting, watching and listening game.