Student Bloggers

Grief comes in waves. You never know when it will hit you. There’s no way to fully prepare for it and no way to avoid it. Sure, you can try and jump over the wave or you could even run back to shore. Yet what I have come to realize in my life thus far is the power of embracing change and leaning into uncertainty. Rather than resist what is to come, why not choose it wholeheartedly with open arms? 

You may be wondering--why the heck are you talking about grief?! Aren’t you going to Australia?? This isn’t a “share-your-deepest-darkest-secrets” blog, it’s a study abroad blog. For goodness sake, aren’t you excited?! You have something to look forward to! Quit thinking about the past and cheer up already!

You see, there’s more to the story. There always is.

The reason I bring up the topic of grief is because the last time I left the United States for a significant period of time, I received sad news that I was not expecting and news that I was not quite ready to accept. 

It was the summer after I graduated high school.

I remember the moment clearly. I was on the bus, going from one location to another, and I received a phone call from my dad. I was a little surprised to be hearing from my family so soon. Did they already miss me?! It hadn’t even been a week since I had left home!

Once I answered the call, I could tell from the way my dad was speaking to me that this was a serious matter. From the tone of his voice, something happened and it didn’t sound like it was anything good. 

To be honest, I don’t know exactly what was said. All I know is for a brief moment I was able to grasp what my dad was saying until my heart suddenly started beating faster and tears began rolling down my cheeks. I tried as hard as I could to hold it in, but my body couldn’t take it any longer and I had to somehow release my confusion and sadness. 

Marisa, your grandpa died.

Waves come and go. With the passing of my grandpa, the wave crashed into shore and now, a new wave has arrived.

With less than 24 hours until I depart for Australia, I can’t help but be reminded of the last time I left the country for an extended period of time. I am afraid something similar will happen again. I don’t want to experience the pain of losing another loved one, especially not when I’m so far away and unable to process any grief alongside my family members back home. Then I begin to question myself, wondering why I am doing this in the first place.  Who in their right mind would leave home for such a long time and travel to a foreign country to study? Is it really worth it?  

I know deep down that yes, this is all worth it in the end. Because you know what? Life goes on. Regardless of whether or not I am in Washington State or Australia, life will continue; every day, thousands of people are born and thousands of people die. And I’m not going to let the fear of the “what ifs” stop me from doing something I love. Rather, I am choosing to show up in life, with arms wide open, ready to take it all in purposefully and passionately.

Inevitably, there will be challenges along the way; challenges are part of the wave of life. I could be homesick, I might get lost, or I could even receive a phone call informing me about the passing of a loved one. However, these challenges will not stop me from saying yes to the adventure of a lifetime. The reason I travel is because of what is to come. I get excited just thinking about it! I am hopeful for the future and all of the grand opportunities that await.

Today I encourage you to do something that stretches you beyond your comfort zone. Open your arms to life and all that awaits you. What’s something you have always wanted to do yet have not done? Try to pinpoint what’s holding you back. Is it money? Time? Don’t give in to your excuses any longer. This is it.  You’ve got one life, so go out and live it! Ride the wave of life.

If my grandpa were still alive today, I have no doubt he would say the same.